Fava Beans And A Nice Chianti « POLICE INSPECTOR BLOG

Fava Beans And A Nice Chianti

March 24, 2008 by inspectorgadget

Easter. More ’sudden deaths’ to attend. It had me thinking. We have had a few deaths over the last year or two where the deceased has been undiscovered for so long that the dog, driven mad with hunger, has started to eat the body.

This Blog is sometimes funny, sometimes political and mostly reasonably sensitive.

But standing with a Constable over Easter, surveying another deceased person, having just comforted their parents, made me think that on at least a few occasions I should write about how shocking this job can be.

The ‘Gadget hound’ is never far from Debbie’s side.

Our family pooch is called Kibble Chops. That is a strange name I know. He is devoted to Debbie and the kids. His relationship with me is one of a mutual requirement for exercise in the forest every day and a slight suspicion about my intentions with his mistress.

One time, when I returned form one of the ’starving dog eats dead owner’ incidents, I sat down and looked into his eyes. I swear he knew what I was thinking. He ran his tongue over his lips, closed his eyes and dropped his head down on to my lap.

We have a saying in the Inspectors offices at F Division:

“If you want loyalty; buy a dog”

I hope Kibble Chops is listening!

Posted in Uncategorized | 20 Comments

20 Responses to “Fava Beans And A Nice Chianti”

on March 24, 2008 at 11:17 am1 Pirellibelli

I bet you don’t shout his name out loud when he runs away from you!
on March 24, 2008 at 11:18 am2 joker the lurcher

dear inspector, we canines are only a few chromosomes away from our wolfish ancestors. which makes us rather more civilised than you humans…
on March 24, 2008 at 12:21 pm3 TheBinarySurfer

Those incidents are pretty nasty - saw a few of the photos of one last year. Does make you want to own a cat in your dotage!
on March 24, 2008 at 1:20 pm4 Jeff

“TheBinarySurfer”… The only difference between a cat and a dog is, in extremis, that your corpse will feed the cat for longer!
on March 24, 2008 at 1:22 pm5 Dave H.

Some Press Reviews of Inspector Gadget‘s book:

‘Only first-hand experience of modern policing could ever prepare the reader for this searing insight into the adrenalin-charged rollercoaster-world of thugs, guns, murders and sudden life-or-death situations that are just part of the daily routine for a tough Cop with a dog called Kibble Chops.’

The accompanying picture only adds to the confusion. I wonder if that‘s a doggy nom de blog. If so, it really is deep cover.

A dog was once given a loyalty medal for staying alongside its‘ dead master for weeks, even though it had avoided starvation in much the same way. It wasn’t trapped inside a house either. Hard to think like a dog, sometimes.

Mind you, dogs are smart, perhaps they‘ve heard about Thai cuisine (scandalously avoided by Nigella, Delia et al.) and the exploits of Amundsen, Shackleton etc. and feel entitled to a bit of nutritional payback.

Part of the Brit character is to try and find humour even in the grimmest of situations, to try & make things more tolerable. It’s something we’re famous for and it needn’t be insensitive. If someone needs to remain composed and functioning despite internal urges to do otherwise, a few tricks to neutralise despair come in handy.
on March 24, 2008 at 1:28 pm6 Noddy

I recall a very similar incident up our way. Made me think whether in similar circumstances I would chomp on Fido!

Some deaths can have a Stephen Kinguesque nature to them and try as you might, they can be hard to erase from the memory.
on March 24, 2008 at 1:30 pm7 Noddy

Oh and isn’t it good to be up in 2nd place!
on March 24, 2008 at 1:52 pm8 bored Jock woodentop

That reminds me of a similar call I attended a few years ago. When we kicked the door in and found the body (face below the nose chewed off), the wee dog was charging around the house whining.

Whilst my neighbour was updating the control room etc, I put my mind to easing the poor pooch’s suffering. After giving it three big bowls of water which it knocked back in about 30secs, I looked around the house for some food.

After an unsuccessful search for some Chum or Chappie, I made do with a packet of Doritos. Not exactly ideal canine cuisine, but my thinking was that if he was hungry enough to have a chew at his owner then he would hungrily devour a bag of nachos.

Wrong! Took one sniff at them, looked at me in disgust and then high-tailed it to the living room where he gazed up at his owner. Salivating.

This makes you look at your faithful friends in a new light and realise that they’re not just furry children and there is a wolfish side to them that can come out if the circumstances force it from them.

Never really been keen on Doritos since either.

Good blog Gadget, looking forward to the book.
on March 24, 2008 at 3:00 pm9 Wopsy

Dave H @ 5, “If someone needs to remain composed…” better that than decomposed….!
on March 24, 2008 at 5:12 pm10 ArmedPlod

Hmmm…. until now I’d never thought of eating my dog…. and I haven’t done my weeks shopping yet either…..

Does Nigella do any nice Border Collie recipes?
on March 24, 2008 at 8:06 pm11 uphilldowndale

Armed plod
Shepherds pie is a bit Delia Smith, but the ingredients Nigella’s Border Collie recipes are a a bit harder to ‘come by’
on March 24, 2008 at 8:52 pm12 curly

I’ve had my own Easter Monday problems to worry about.

I’ve had a I’ve had a spot of bother today, kids, coppers, cameras, cctv, and a big waste of police time!

Is it a problem of attitude? I.E. now vs 1970’s?

I’d be interested in some views.
on March 24, 2008 at 10:38 pm13 nightjack

Its the summer maggoty ones that I don’t like.
on March 25, 2008 at 5:17 am14 AntiPLODian

Curly @ 12

If you are enquiring about the attitude of coppers now, well I can tell you that Generation Y are apptly named. Why do I need to do that? Why can’t someone else do it? etc.

Drives me insane, or more insane perhaps. I may well have already had a roo or two loose in the top paddock!
on March 25, 2008 at 8:43 am15 anonymous

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2008/03/25/nbrown125.xml

Will be able to send you text messages instead of posting soon!
on March 25, 2008 at 9:55 am16 Stinky

All our PBO’s have mobiles anyway, so it just sounds like they’re spouting the usual tripe.
on March 25, 2008 at 11:32 am17 Bob

anonymous @15, firstly there are elections in May so the bulls*** wagon will be in full swing and secondly any mobile phones that became available will be seized by SMT for their own use. The thing that the NEW style of SMT like is their toys and anything else that they can have on the side!!.
on March 25, 2008 at 12:13 pm18 Uncle Guvnor

Our PCSOs all have blackberrys so should be contactable, they turn them off and I thenhave to take complaints because we’re not as accessible as the chief and gov’t promised!!!!! Grrrr!
on March 25, 2008 at 12:55 pm19 Curloneout

Curly at 12. Having seen your photo, are you really that surprised?
on March 25, 2008 at 6:57 pm20 ArmedPlod

Oh my God!!!!!!! Are you saying that Curly looks like some sort of deviant? How rude!