The youngest Gadget is a defender for one of the village teams and I take him whenever I am not on duty. I think it’s important to have this special time together. As I freeze on the touchline, although I am watching and cheering, it’s a good time to think about things.
On Saturday it was awful. I could see a clutch of women around one of the young players. One was his mother. They were persuading the crying boy to go on and play. I looked around for his Dad, who I know to talk to and who I see every fortnight. He wasn’t there, and the women were not having much success.
I thought the boy must have taken a knock during the warm-up, but it all went on a bit too long for that.
One of the other Dads, Mike, came over and asked me to help with the rest of the team. I looked back at the pitch and they were all crying. Young Gadget was staring at me with a bewildered look.
I immediately had that terrible feeling that something had gone badly wrong and I didn’t know about it. Mike told me that the boy’s father had died on Wednesday in a fatal car accident on the Metrocity road.
“You know Gadget, on that long sweeping bend down to the Motorway junction?”
This gave me two massive shocks. One is that I’m used to seeing him every two weeks, and although I wouldn’t say we were close, we are both parents of boys on the team and you get kind of used to seeing each other and living through the triumphs and disasters of the season. It is horrible and threatening to hear he is dead.
The second is that I was there at the fatal accident. I was so busy trying to manage the Police response to the incident and figure out the road closures that I didn’t actually go and look at the dead driver.
So now, not only do I have to help the community and the kids cope with collective grief, I also have my own guilty secret. I know one of the village school Dads is a retained Firefighter and Mike knows he was at the accident. I didn’t see him at the time either.
Family, a nice home, a quiet but productive life, some money, self esteem, friends, a village community and our health.
All we ever wanted was everything.
Don’t know what to say really, but ought to say something.
But for the grace of god we go!!
The poor wee lad, and his pals.
Damned hard on you, too. Thanks for coping for the rest of us.
Fuckinell Gadget, I’m blubbing.
That’s awful Gadget, words aren’t enough.
My background is NHS / RAMC.
Been there. Many times.
It hurts, but what the hell can you do, except your best, as you see best at the time? Guilt does not enter into it.
I am not a copper, but I do know that today’s first objective of policing is to save human life. So you, Gadget, and the Fireman, did exactly that, in your own ways.
Sleep well, for you can change nought.
West Country JP – having read the above, do you have any more shame and approbation to heap on IG and his idiot ilk?
For “approbation” read “opprobrium”. I blame my upbringing for this mistake and believe I should be given another chance on grounds of being a victim of UK education and society.
[...] team. it’s not so unusual. If you’ve got nothing better to do than read my blog, may I recommend this from Inspector Gadget about his football watching. It’s good sometimes to be reminded worst I have to live with this [...]
As with PCSW, I’m not sure what to say; we seem to spend so much lives striving for something ‘more’ than our lot, never realising we’ve got ‘it’ all already….. not till a tragedy like this, gets close up and personal.
I can only guess that when personal and professional worlds collide, it’s a hard hit for those involved in the emergency services.
For us, members of the public, an ignorance of the realities of the incident, is a blessing.
Hugs for the little Gadget, it must have shaken his view of the world.
It’s crap Guv but it’s the job, your job and one you are very good at, it’s probably best you didn’t know it was him at the time in hindsight……he moves in mysterious ways you know, whoever he maybe..stay safe..xx
Went to a sudden death of an elderly female last year. Nothing suspicious, just an old dear who’d had a good run.
It was only when I got there and recognised the daughter that the penny dropped.
I’d been to see the lady with her daughter two weeks before after she had had her handbag dipped in the market square and the purse containing a month’s cash in she had just taken out of the post office and a few sentimental photos of her late husband had gone.
There was no cctv, no witnesses, and it could have happened at any time during the day.
Her daughter said she had never really recovered from the shock and had gone downhill fast.
I’ve never felt so useless in my life. Or so angry…..
That is what I hate most about death, that desolate feeling that we can do nothing about it. Thanks for the posting it will remind me to cherish our sons a little bit more tomorrow; whingeing and all.
IG that is a very sad posting but I don’t think you have any reason to feel guilty in anyway. Just keep supporting the kid’s football team. They are our future.
this is awful. we have the one face for work and the other for home and hopefully a short drive in between to swop them over. when they collide it is really painful. it reminds us we are human which is the last thing we need when dealing with the tough stuff…
Guv, I’m sorry to hear that, I’m with emma on this one, it is probably best (job wise) that you didn’t recognise him as we do need to be objective at hard jobs like that as you well know. I’ve been at a bad crash where one of the guys recognised a friend in the car, thankfully it wasn’t a fatac but our colleague was out for the count and had to remove himself from the incident. Again, something you don’t know how you’ll react until it happens to you and no one should critise those who choose to deal with it one way or another, especially if they’ve never been through anything like that.
Kids that age shouldn’t have to deal with the loss of a parent but I am certain you would have done the best by them, which is all you can do. Best wishes to the family.
PCR : Your description of the older lady and the death following the robbery is all too common. I am involved with the Bobby Scheme in my county and we have had a number oif deaths following distraction burglaries, or just plain vanilla ones. People feel violated and unwilling, rather than unable, to cope. Often these are women who have proven themselves able to cope with all sorts of tragedy, but now that they liva alone and have lost every remnant of their lives, fail to see the point in carrying on and, it seems, quite literally, lose the will to live. So next time a young officer says “it’s just one of those things” you may care to point out, that it need not be so.
Say it now…
Do it now…
Tomorrow might be too late…
Michael
[...] I’m setting off in a few minutes to be an enthusiastic parent, standing and cheering at the finish line of a junior fell race, whilst I am there I shall count my blessings [...]
It’s strange that, no matter how often we see and deal with death, we barely acknowledge our own mortality until faced with the sudden and unexpected death of someone we know…
Thanks for the link; glad to see you’re a fan of Cats that look like Hitler too!
IG-
So long as police personnel are OF the community (as opposed to living separately – physically and/or emotionally – from the community), this type of situation happens.
Life is messy and not always pleasant (as you well know).
Most of the people in my small agency were raised in or around our city and know a whole lot of the citizens from non-law enforcement contacts. (Of course, salaries and home prices being what they are, few can now afford to actually reside in the city.)
That’s one of those days,that you sort of wish you did something else for a living.Four years ago we were on earlies and I was stuck in the station doing paperwork. I hadn’t seen the crews most of the day and after lunchtime I wandered up to the enquiry office for a yarn to find that everyone including the Insp and Sgts had made their way to a fatal rtc,one car involved and four young men dead.I listened to the radio etc,just to hear what was going on and eventually one of the crews came back to base.Cue the usual questions with guys saying its the worst they have ever seen.I asked if they had any names and my mate mentioned them,one of which was my young cousins name.I couldn’t figure out how, as he was pretty far from home and I couldn’t make the connection.But yep it was confirmed.Not good and when I got home I got a phonecall from my sister to tell me.It was so hard to tell her that I knew and that only by me doing some paperwork I would have been at it.I know the section did the best they could and passed that on to my uncle,but really not a good day to be at work.
This should not be a guilty secret IG, there should be neither guilt nor secret.
Maybe one day that poor family will know that you were there.
Maybe they will take comfort from the fact that everyone always does their best at times like this, and that you played a part in this.
Guilt because you didn’t know it was your footie pal? Well if everyone went for a gawk at an RTC instead of getting on with the task in hand, nothing would get done.
Could you have changed things at the scene? I doubt it very much.
Be kind to yourself for a while eh?
You did what you had to do, IG, I’m sure you can hold your head up – even if there are tears in your eyes. At extreme times there’s no guidebook on what to do, you just have to trust your inate humanity and decency to do the right thing.
No, Spitting feathers, I didn’t call IG an idiot in my posting on the earlier thread, though I did think his comments were out of order and a generalisation too far. Read the post properly.
Sorry to move away from the emotion of this blog piece but just catching up on a few comments by West Country JP from this and previous posts.
IG never said all courts made bad decisions, he simply stated his example was but one of thousands of bad decisions made every year. That is not a generalistion.
Your response, JP, to perceived criticism of JPs and the courts, belies a guilty conscience. You are just so very defensive. But your worse sin is how pompous and arrogant you are. I can picture you sneering down at the cops in the court room. You are no better than us or anybody else. You are no more educated than many. Outside of the court room, you have no power.
I don’t blame the failings of the Criminal Justice system on the JPs alone. All of us share that collective responsibility. But what I detest is the attitude you display in your responses…….patronising and belittling.
What you do need, I suggest, is a reality check. Keep reading IG’s blog and you might just learn something about life.
It was about 2 1/2 years in whilst I still wore the big hat and the blue suit of truth. Nearly at the end of a winter nights week, nearly at the end of the shift and the fog had come down heavy as it does around this time of year.
A taxi driver was making his way home after another night of ferrying assorted drunks, lovers and sundry dissapointeds to wherever. He was taking it steady, probably looking forward to his bed, seeing his wife and kids.
Coming the other way was Studly the Teenager in a clapped out XR3i. Its clapped out but it is still doing 60 through the fog when it clips the kerb and spins broadside. That would have been the last thing the taxi driver saw, coming out of the fog, too fast and too late to do a thing about it.
I arrived in the Landrover just behind Trumpton and just ahead of Traffic and the Ambulances. Once they got things covered, as I was absolutely unnecessary except for the death message. So I go.
I am met at the front door by an Asian lady in traditional dress. I am standing there with my hat off. That’s a universal language. She already has the worried look of someone who’s partner is unexpectedly not home when expected. She looks at me with dying hope and says slowly and with a heavy accent “I am sorry, I don’t speak English.” Just then a little girl, maybe 9 years old comes to the door and says “What’s wrong? Has something happened to my Dad?”
Now Mum and the little girl can see it all over my face and in every angle of my body and I am drowning here because I can’t say “Tell your Mum I am so very sorry but Daddy is dead.” I am so glad to see the familiar face of the local councillor who has come unbidden at the unexpected early morning arrival of a Police car on his patch and together we break the bad news.
Went to work today after sometime off and after reading this particular thread. Looked at the Super’ running about like a headless chicken as a target had been missed over the weekend and all I thought of was this thread and what a complete t*** the Super’ is.
West Country JP – I did read your thread properly, I didn’t think you’d called IG an idiot. I did think you’d criticised his generalisation by making one even more cutting. Read the post, and previous ones, properly.
I think it’s a tough call. It highlights your being part of a community. I don’t see how your recognising or acknowledging the people you know or the dead man would have helped you – either to do your job better, or as a part of your community.
There’s a part of you that needs to shut down to do the work you do, the friend, the father, I suspect it keeps you safe and sane.
Roses is right. Any other way leads to therapy
Roses, Your comment is 100%
I can see how you have to do the job in a professional way, that’s how it has to be; but to suggest that every one can (or wants) to keep any emotions invoked in completely separate ‘boxes’ would suggest that every officer is the same, I don’t imagine you are cloned, you don’t all look the same.