The new so-called Neighbourhood Policing Teams await the Monday morning meeting with trepidation. Their “remit”* is Crime Reduction.
They don’t know if there has been a reduction in crime over the weekend because they don’t work over the weekend. They leave that to the Response Teams. Whatever; they definitely do not want any crime to have occurred since Friday.
The Crime Investigation and Management Unit are also nervous on Monday. Their remit is Crime Detection. It stands to reason that they need crime to happen before they can detect it, so they want crime to occur.
But only the right kind of crime. Like the right kind of leaves. Or the right kind of snow.
They did work at the weekend, but the analysts at Headquarters did not, so they too are unaware of the crime figures.
Someone will be a loser at this meeting.
For the Neighbourhood Policing Teams to have been successful, the Crime Investigation and Management Unit must have failed, or visa versa.
Clearly, their respective department heads (Chief Inspectors) will have tried to influence Resource Management over the weekend to achieve their own particular ends.
So we all end up fighting each other, which is pointless in any case because the Inspector in charge of the Central Crime Reporting Unit will decide who has “won” when he cooks the books.
If you control the information, you control the situation.
Meanwhile, Wayne does exactly as he pleases with your property or your face, depending on how drunk he is, how unlucky you are or whether he thinks you looked at his ‘bitch’.
And we categorise whatever he has done in whatever way we please, to win the Monday morning battle.
* Remit = a strictly defined job description which lazy officers use to avoid helping colleagues. Only the Response Team does not have a remit. They must go to everything.
What the right hand giveth, the left hand taketh away.
Such is the beast that is the measuring and targeting ‘osaurous, definately not exstinct down our way.
One department’s successes are another department’sfailings and as a result, some unfortunate sod gets his or her arse kicked in the name of the strategic plan of citizen focus and whatever the latest in vogue policy or vision statement is.
Hey it looks like I am first, that could be a first, if you get my drift.
Targets…………….wonderful. After all, someone has to be first and someone has to be last. No matter how or what you measure.
After all, didn’t Einstein say…………..Not everything that can be counted counts. And not everything that counts can be counted.
At the end of the day What you measure is what you get.
Which ever way you look at it, it doesn’t add up
No News was definately Bad News in our division today.
For many months now, the rumours have been directed from certain Bosses wanting to split the way our teams will work. The other Bosses, (who are never connected with our way of working but always seem to have a bearing in the decision making!) have been counteracting those rumours in an attempt to give some reaasurance to the Officers that those changes won’t really happen. Officers were told that if we get to December 2007, then No News was going to be Good News.
OH DEAR!!
No News has equalled Bad News. Stations are to lose 15 Officers to work at another Area. The reason? Well, your guess is as good as mine, but it’s funny how the KPI’s for that division were making others look quite bad. This appears to fit true with ‘WHICHENDBITES’ comments, saying that a departments sucess is anothers failing.
You will probably wonder with what will happen now with those divisions who will be shortly down in numbers? They will still be expected to perform the same KPI’s I guess?
Back to work hey.
Another good post IG.
EHU
Hi Inspector,
Is there any chance I could interview (telephone) you about your blog. I’ve been researching work blogs for some time and would like to hear views on the subject? Please check me out via my blog if you wish. I have no interest in your true identity and certainly no wish to give away any details that may identify you. I can explain things in far more detail if you drop me an email.
Many thanks. James.
Hello all and a happy new year to you as I have been away a bit.
Not going to post anything other than to say that made me laugh so much IG, cracking post and so very true, been at many a Monday morning meeting where we are all sitting there with our boxing gloves on waiting to see what the high heid yin’s will throw at us about whats happened over the weekend!
James – no thanks, I say all I have to say on the Blog.
Plus, I like the idea of my pension.
Best Wishes.
Its the same story everywhere. Of course the way the beans are counted changes every 12 months or so to prevent any real year on year comparisons.
I think its an artifact of the process management approach. Identify process, map process, manage process. Great for running a production line or a delivery / distribution system. Quite useful for Police back office stuff but a bit crap for managing your actual policing. Still you can draw some pretty flow diagrams.
Organisational change processes , total quality management hmmm very pretty but implemented by amatuers with poor training and worse understanding. I know cos I was there.
A couple of years ago, after a farewell to a long serving PC, one of my colleagues in the Crime Management Unit returned to work and, possibly uttering a Freudian slip, answered the phone by saying, “Hello, Crime Figures Manipulation Unit”. It took him quite a while to live that down. However, he used to say what you are saying now. The Police consists of several different departments, all with different targets, resulting in each department working against each other rather than with each other. You may recall Ray Mallon, now retired, who sorted out the criminals in Middlesbrough the way they should be until he fell foul of the political “with the community” aspects of the SMT. Then there is Jeremy Clarkson who, when one of his children was bitten by a dog, suggested that could be sorted out by bringing back the dog licence. If a dog does not have a licence, it should be then put down………immediately followed by its owner! How difficult would it be to find a happy medium between these two?
Oh the irony of a 24/7 service that has its bean counting meetings on a Monday morning when no one has counted the beans; what happened to the ‘blue sky’/ ‘out of the box’ thinking then?
Meanwhile a man who was put in hospital on the 23rd December, 2007 badly injured and knocked off his motorbike , 200 yards from his front foor by a hit and run driver, received a letter dated 2/1/2008 from the process unit to say that as police were unable to trace the other vehicle or the driver the matter is now NFA. The removal company as agents for ____ Police have sent him a letter stating that as he has not contacted them his bike will be disposed of – dated 2/1/08. Two of his neighbours, witnesses, have contacted him to ask if the police have spoken to him as they haven’t heard from them despite giving their details. The answer is NO! No one from ____ Police has been to see the rider, not even at hospital. If you don’t know why I am rambling on about this check the date of the NFA letter. Now who was doing all the necessary enquiries between 24/12/2007 and 01/01/2008 that led to the NFA decision being made? Most depts and support offices run on a skeleton staff over the holiday period don’t they? A resource or a remit matter? Anyway another MoP who thought he deserved a bit of help from the police is left feeling like so many MoPs these days. The govt and SMT’s should be ashamed.
IP – I never have liked the way Ruralshire Constabulary charge for vehicles in this way. The whole thing is a scam for the recovery agents. My sympathy is with you. It’s a shame you can’t name the Force, perhaps if you did one of us in the Blogshpere could help?
Someone may have mentioned this already but a march on westminster has been organized. We police officers would love the support of any members of the pubic that day so wether you are police or not us officers would appreciate the support on the day. I’ll update with the exact date later, or if someone has the date then post away. Many thanks everyone. And well done gov, love the blog.
Guv
Thats the best description of the word “Remit” I have ever read/heard.
The term was hard to put into words until now!
But its perfect! I wish everyone whoever quoted “remits” in the past could read it!
It’s been my bugbear for years!
The march is on the 23rd of Jan. I hear the government though blackrod are trying to route us down back streets to minimize the publicity.
It does not surprise me. The story was running in the ‘media’ last week. The government has never felt comfortable with the police massing in opposition to unsavoury proposals. The public are the police and the police are the public, Sir Robert Peel said that.
I don’t think that I am overstating things here but this is the start of the end of ‘nu labours’ time in office. Combine the problems of the economy, a bankrupt financially and morally government, billions of pounds wasted (£137,000 this week on some new advisor – whats all that about then?) on public service bean counters and you start to see the uphill struggle they have to cling onto power. The only trouble is I am not sure David Cameron has enough good policies to win an election, thats the worry. Despite the huge investment in many public services the results are not there to see and in many case, the police included we have got worse!
I see ard times ahead for the populous of this couuntry.
Let me tell you, I’m behind you all the way. As a veteran of the Fireman’s strike though, I’m well aware that this Govt cares not a jot for it’s emergency services and so be prepared for your names to be dragged through the mud, your “outdated” practices to be ridiculed and constant reminders that for every one of you there are 40 people willing to take your place. Oh, and God help you if you’ve got an alternative source of income to bolster your pitiful salary. You also want to pray that your Federation are better than the FBU (a task which should’nt prove too difficult). Still, look at the success we gained. Due to that strike I no longer have to put out fires because my vital work installing smoke alarms and lecturing “diverse” groups on how great a life in the Fire Service is, has ensured that the world is a much safer place. You may gain similar benefits too so be careful what you wish for!
The Federation are well aware of Black Rod’s (i.e. the great clunking twat’s) instructions to ensure that the march does not pass the PoW. The MPS Planning Unit have been tasked to deal with the organisers re this. Unbelievable when every other march is allowed to despite the initial attempt at saying no! The first test of the Federation I would think! Will you all march past Parliament?
Who is going to stop us?
I will be there. Hooded up.
Plod999 – Eastbourne
I’m just waiting for the “Aid” e-mails to come out. Spare a thought for the poor plod who have to police it, though, won’t you? It’s not all roses down here in the MPS you know!!
My God we could be searched and stuff? Now that would be fun and good media attention.
You think they will have Section 44 or Section 60 Search power in place to stop and search us for no reason and prevent us wearing scarfs that er keep our lower faces warm whilst accidentally hiding our Identity?
If so who is exactly going to do the stop and searching? If they do manage to find some gullible Muppet to try it on how much fun do you think we could have ensuring that they abide EXACTLY by the letter of the law, codes of practice, best practice, search forms etc. If done correctly each stop and search could take oh, say 20 minutes or more. I mean those grounds, objective, identity, etc could take quite a while to be explained if requested.
I imagine that it would be a hard march to Police and i would also imagine crime in that area might e quite low on that day which will cheer some been counters up.
If it is Policed wont the Police who are Policing the Police still be part of the Police and as they would be walking with said Police could they also be taken to part of said Police March?
Wouldn’t that be nice the MPS paying Officers to go on the Police March. Personally i think Ian Blair has responsibility to ensure that the event is properly Policed and he should send as many Officers as guidelines demand for such an event.
Also since were Police could we not authorise ourselves to march in the restricted areas, after a proper risk assessment and stuff.
Agree with TUPC. Very accurate description of remit! Remits are always focused on what someone won’t do rather than what they can.
This whole post rather accurately sums up what is wrong with target-led policing. Everyone worries about the targets, and forgets about the policing
Ha ha regarding the march (I will be there) – I will demand a full search record if someone asks me what I’m doing at any point. “You asked me to account for my presence officer! Recommendation 61 consequently stipulates you should give me a form detailing just why!” heh it could be so much fun. Some poor Joe Probationer Pc would be bricking it if he tells someone like Gadget why he can’t go down a particular road.
XTP…. I wouldn’t mind policing it as it would be good to have someone on the inside to let the marchers know of any last minute maneuvering by the SMT.
And besides, at least the marchers are law abiding citizens which is more than we can say for the current fools running the country.
Perhaps I’ll phone duties and volunteer.
As a member of the law-abiding majority – go get ‘em. March right up to Westminster (would any jury convict?) and DEMAND a decent pay rise. Frankly, I wouldn’t do your job for twice the money, not these days. The pay offer is an insult in my opinion.
On the other hand, David Cameron seems to be stealing votes from Labour on issues just like this. Yes, the Tories looked after the Police, but be careful what you wish for….
remember the Thatcher years? Miners’ Strike, Poll Tax riots, ring any bells.
Good luck, anyway.
No one will stop us on the 23rd unless it is made a target for the day.
What would happen if we marched up to the door and decided to go in. The people trying to stop us would be coming in too. Could be hilarious.
It won’t happen because we have respect – regardless of what they do to us…. I hope!
Maybe we should divert the route while we are at it, and march via Brixton/Peckham/Lewisham, do a bit of vigilantism?
Spelling Guv…
It’s ‘whether’ not ‘weather’.
Standards and all that.
Oo-er what happened to the Inspector Khan article?
Someone mentioned searches?
Can girlfriends of coppers come along?
Yeah, what happened to that article? I didn’t think it warranted removing.
I actually thought I was going nuts considering I was on nights when I read about the BTP Insp, see you guys on the 23rd if you’re coming up to show the home secretary how pissed we are. Oh, and if you’re one of those people we’ve been told are coming up to ‘play’ well, those of us working will happily oblige.
Khan? Garn…Gorn!
Sorry about the Khan post – technical error!
Metcountymounty – people coming up to play – please explain?
CO11 have had credible info about everyone from combat 18 wannabes to your average soapdodging muppet considering it an opportunity to come up and have a pop, hence lots of FIT teams and EG’s as well as a few level 1’s already been given aid postings, level 2’s (mast) have been given a heads up.
MetCountyMounty:
I duno sounds like disinformation to me, to try an discourage bobbies from turning up. However if its not the Met are quite a keen bunch so i am sure there will be lots of them if there is a need and from what i remember they aren’t a shy about defending their colleagues.
In any case i think i would feel quite safe surrounded by a whole pile of off duty bobbies in a bad mood about the pay theft. If anyone has to lock up then i am sure they will have enough bodies to help especially when it would mean Overtime pay.
Personally i would fall over laughing if any brain dead zombie did try it on. Its definitely not a reason not to go so ill be seeing you all there. Ill be the one scowling and visibly annoyed about the theft of my pay just before Christmas, if your having trouble finding me ill be stood next to the Officer who is scowling and visibly annoyed about the theft of their pay just before Christmas.
That is a sad state of affairs. If I ever do get into the police I wouldn’t want a remit I don’t think, would be like turning your back on your colleagues & I’d feel pretty guilty & a big let down to them for that.
Can’t find a contact email on your blog (probably not been looking hard enough!) but the offer of help re application would be appreciated so if you could email me that would be great
. Just trying to get as much advice as possible really so thanks for the offer IG.:D It is appreciated.
GND
No problem – I’ll email you.
I still think the whole event is going to be a hijack of sensibilities.
No matter how behaved we are… The media are praying for an all off.
I think we’re actually playing into Gordys hands. I hope I’m wrong, but hey… I’m a sergeant! when has that ever happened? LOL
London Times Obituary of the late Mr. Common Sense
‘Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense,
who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old
he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic
red tape.
He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons
as:
Knowing when to come in out of the rain;
why the early bird gets the worm;
Life isn’t always fair; and maybe it was my fault.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don’t spend
more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not
children, are in charge).
His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but
overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old
boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens
suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a
teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his
condition.
Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing
the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their
unruly children. It declined even further when schools were
required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an
Elastoplast to a student; but could not inform parents when a
student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became
contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received
better treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a beating
when you couldn’t defend yourself from a burglar in your own home
and the burglar could sue you for assault.
Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed
to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a
little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust;
his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son,
Reason. He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers;
I Know My Rights,
I Want It Now,
It’s Not My Fault, and
I’m A Victim.
Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.
If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority
and do nothing.’
And a little extra
Can you imagine working for a company that has a little more than
600 employees and has the following statistics?
29 have been accused of spouse abuse, 7 have been arrested for
fraud, 19 have been accused of writing bad cheques, 117 have
directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses, 3 have
done time for assault, 71 cannot get a credit card due to bad
credit, 4 have been arrested on drug-related charges, 8 have been
arrested for shoplifting, 21 are currently defendants in lawsuits,
84 have been arrested for drink driving in the last year.
Which organization is this?
It’s the 635 members of the House of Commons, the same group that
cranks out hundreds of new laws each year designed to keep the rest
of us in line.
I rest my case.
A LOT of PCs have been denied A/L on that date in the Met.
Very annoying indeed, especially considering team strengths are no lower than usual. I know of another team that have been all warned to work on that day for an operation with ANPR. Again, very annoying.
Ah well, at least there’ll be a supportive uniformed presence.
hi mr inspector
thanks for popping by my blog. herself has been avoiding all police blogs since being off work on account of them being too depressing, but having a famous bloggist comment on one of my posts has changed her mind so you are now back on the reading list. good to know you have a dog of the lurching persuasion too.
joker the lurcher
Wishing you guys all the best for the day, as an ex-Special I have the utmost respect for what you guys have to put up with, from both “customers” and management. Unfortunately I can’t be in London on the day to offer support, but I’ll be thinking of you all and hoping that the idiots don’t hijack what will otherwise be the most law abiding protest in a few hundred years.
IG:
Quick change of topic, i was watching the news today and saw a very touching piece on a young lad with a very nasty, low survival cancer called Neuroblastoma. It attacks kids, young kids normally from the age of 2 or so. The bit on TV had the lad only 5 or so talking and aware of his own mortality. The lads name is Jack Brown and i warn you its a bit heartbreaking.
His parents, who are both Police Officers, are in a desperate drive to raise money for more treatment something £350,000 or so i think.
Can I put this link here for anyone to have a look at please? They have a donations and “how can you help” bit on the website.
http://www.jackbrownappeal.org/index.asp
If all else fails, we can always get some more of these
http://www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/news/s/1024510_pc_cut_out_for_the_job
Oh Dear…has it really come to this
Cardboard cut-outs of Jaqui Spliff..that’ll scare them off!
Cardboard cut-outs is there any difference between them and ACPO. I suppose the cardboard cut-out has a stiffer spine.
Bob of 11 Jan,
Re the stats on the offences caused by MPs – where did you obtain that info? I would like to use it if I may.
Regards.
I would suggest it better to skip getting under knife so that we can have a safe nose job done.
wow ))
its very unconventional point of view.
Good post.
realy good post
thx