PC Ellie Bloggs - The Manic Impressive

I really should have taken my headphones off earlier. I nearly walked into the table where she was sitting. PC Ellie Bloggs is the nation’s favourite anonymous female police Blogger, and if you add that to the extraordinary Band of Horses pumping through my head; it was confusing.

As soon as I saw her I was lost for words and nearly delivered the last line from the song I was listening to. “So you are the famous…. Err…. Hello!”

After a couple of drinks we decided we were starving and made our way to a restaurant nearby. The waiter must have previously worked for the Ruralshire Constabulary Operations Planning Department. He seemed permanently surprised that his restaurant was full of office workers in silly hats. After all, like us, he only has 11 ½ months to plan for Christmas each year.

Blandmore - Ruraltown. Same policing nonsense. Same Burberry fools.

We had an interesting conversation. Our police forces have absolutely no connection with each other, but the nonsense is the same. She couldn’t tell me anything ludicrous enough that I hadn’t seen it a million times in my own town, and visa versa.

As a Patrol Officer, her team deploys even less than mine, and in a bigger town. Congratulations Blandshire Police, you put your people at even more risk than Ruralshire Constabulary.

After the meal, Dan Collins took two photos of us outside the restaurant. Both are heavily disguised but contain items which could identify us. PSD in Blandshire would dearly love to get hold of those.

So what is she like this mystery female police blogger? apart from the fact that she expected me to be like Inspector Frost (and I’m not even old enough to be her dad, which makes a change for most of the Response Officers I meet) I thought she was very ’switched on’. She is as hilarious as her book and is clearly dedicated to the job. She looks like she could out-run, out-fight and out-think most blokes and the story about her and her crew-mate ‘Becks’ dropping a violent male offender (with a weapon) on the street had me and Dan in stitches.

“We both got out of the car, ran straight over and dumped him on the pavement. After all, what are we supposed to do? wait around and get stabbed?” Ellie Bloggs.

I explained that I thought the hundred or so comments about how attractive she is were mainly caused by the ‘love interest’ angle in her book. As we talked about this, her comments ranged from the unprintable to a wry smile.

I have three things left to say, any one of which may get me into serious trouble. First, Ellie Bloggs has a great sense of irony and humour. Second, she has a novel way of travelling around London and third; she would look great wearing a pair of standard issue police trousers. There lies your answer.

Band of Horses -‘ Is There A Ghost’ mp3