No Fears, No Worries, Just A Golden Country*
October 31, 2007 by inspectorgadget
Ah, the joys of Halloween in Ruralshire.
Despite Halloween being at the same time every year, it still comes as a massive surprise to a significant number of the inhabitants of Ruralshire.
I am assuming that this is the case because of the number of calls we get saying “there are some kids outside, knocking on my door asking for sweets and being a pain in the arse, why don’t you come around and DO something?”
Absolutely. Those useless pests at Ruralshire Constabulary. Why can’t the local police abolish a national custom for goodness sake? This is yet another example of the current fashion which makes childhood a crime.
Help! I’ve only had 364 days notice!
As a Constable, I used to enjoy responding to these calls by broadcasting the descriptions given over the radio channel. “The informant says the offenders are about 5 ft tall, dressed in a white sheet with chains, one has a bolt through his neck and huge stitches on his forehead and the other has fangs and blood dripping from his chin, over”.
But Ruralshire Constabulary does not exist to amuse me (unfortunately) and every call to a sweet-munching vampire is a burglary victim missed, yet again, as the national rules demand that we attend every ‘Anti Social Behaviour’ (involving youths) call that we get.
“Oh look, someone is having fun! Call the police!”
Never mind; we will probably have just about sorted out the ‘pending calls’ list in time for people to telephone us on November 5th with noise complaints!
Gadget Note:
‘Approximately 6,000 emergency ‘999′ calls to police per month are inappropriate and a deliberate misuse of the system. Abuse of the system has a significant effect as callers use valuable resources that should be helping those that really are involved in an emergency, by blocking the emergency telephone lines and preventing officers from attending legitimate calls. Of the calls received, approximately 70% of them are repeat callers’.
Source: Metropolitan Police 28/03/2007 2007
* from The Jam ‘Tales From The Riverbank’ by Paul Weller.
I believe we have a statitistical set of forms to grade and assess such callers, all in the name of improving our service and the speed of which we answer calls.
Marvelous.
I know kids want to have fun.
I know my housebound mum dreads Halloween
I know she doesn’t ring the police
I know she spends the evening worrying, that the next fire work she hears will be coming through her letter box,
I know that if my dad was still around to send the kids packing, she wouldn’t worry at all
She knows this is a ‘real threat,’ because she read it in the paper.
Lol that post was just so funny! - Except the note at the end which is absolutely disgraceful. Do people actually realise that the police have 24 hour phone lines other than 999? Maybe there should be a national awareness campaign just in case…
“When I saw a crowd of youths outside, smiling and having fun, I knew they must be up to no good. I could either deliberately misuse the system by calling 999 or I could get the yellow pages out and look for the number for the local 24 hour police call-centre, but I had to ask myself if I could be bothered… I couldn’t. Could you?”
*sniff, sniff* The Bogey Man pinched my post
Oh, he returned it
Thank you Bogey man! 
To MrMansWife - Yes they do know that there are alternative numbers to contact the police. The problem is that they cost money, unlike 999 calls. These numbers also take a modicum of effort to find out, something generally anathema to Wayne and Demi.
When the average half witted member of our underclass’s pay as you go phone is void of credit and they’re wanting the police/ ambulance/ fire service to come and sort out the latest crisis in their drink / drug addled existence, the propriety or morality of cluttering up the 999 system doesn’t enter their tiny brains.
The mobile phone is the single biggest curse in British policing these past 20 years.
I think this is actually an offence which PND’s are perfect for unlike say the others such as criminal damage and theft.
I think we can issue penalty tickets for wasting Police time, we should.
Halloween. Ugh. I was going to pen something vaguely informative and constructive but I am overcome by a wave of apathy. Genuine 999 calls getting completely buried under the tide of calls all of which involve “youth” “firework” and “throwing”. Yes I know its a an offence roughly 160 years old to throw a firework within 40yds of a highway or something like that but really, I’ve got better things to do
Oh! Yes indeed there are numbers other than 999 to ring. There are also walls to talk to, which are often of more use than the non emergency lines.
When you have finally persuaded the person who answers the phone (assuming it is answered at all) that you actually do have a problem, you are then faced with a wait to the end of eternity to have a police officer (if you’re lucky) turn up to tell you that either, it isn’t an offence; it’s not an offence they deal with; it is an offence, but it’s too trivial to deal with; there are no independent wtnesses, apart from your wife, grown up kids, and next door neighbours…… it goes on.
The amount of effort that is put into cuffing a job by the people that answer these phones is phenominal.
As the child of a single parent, my Boy is a bit of a disappointment. He’s polite, he refuses to stone little old ladies, he isn’t interested in graffitti and he prefers hanging out in my house rather than the street corner.
Yesterday, he asked me the difference between a PC and a PCSO. When I asked why he wanted to know, he rather grumpily said that a couple of PCSOs came into school to ‘inform’ his classmates that if they were caught with eggs and/or flour, they’d be hauled into the local nick. No pancakes for us.
I asked him how he felt about being the scourge of society, he just shrugged.
It’s a bit of a shame really because it’s difficult to try and instill respect for elders, when the self same elders are so contemptuous and scared of kids.
Wasn’t there a plan, some years ago, to set up 888 as the standard number for non-urgent calls to the police? What happened to that?
What a sorry state of affairs.
At least I used to put a notice on my door at Xmas that said “Carol Singers F**k Off”. Never had any problems since I started doing that.
some calls to Police on 999…
1. there are some youths outside ..talking (in high voices)
2. “”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”" on motorbikes (leagal 50 cc mopeds on the road)
3. “”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"” they have hoodies on
4.”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”playing football
5.”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"come and move them along
we are all aware that there is line between proper anit-social behaviour and childs play , its just that we should stop criminalising childhood .
Nice post Gagdster
I had fun last night
I didnt arrest anyone , issue a ticket or do anything that resulted in the home office getting any peice of paperwork from me ! HA
Cant wait till the 5th of Nov
888 is a good idea. Might turn into a bit of a gamble though!
Some forces are trialling the use of 101 as a non-emergency number. The call costs 10p so Wayne and Waynetta have to have some credit on their phone.
The number of calls to emergency services have risen exponentially over the last few years, but the number of people available to respond to all those calls has remained static. Is it any wonder that we don’t get to some of them?
Sometimes I think that it’s a plot.
An equilibrium melting pot,
The government sponsors underhand.
Have emailed you, Gadget.
888-what a great idea -Ill submit that on a form to our overstaffed, overpaid and underworked, SMARTIDEAS dept and I will get a letter of thanks and a free pen!!!-actually would better be 666 dont you think?. I remember one of my colleagues getting a free pen and a letter of thanks for requesting that the nicks be provided with heated toilet seats in the Winter.
Just realised only a few weeks to Christmas Eve there will be reports of big fat men with white beards riding around on sleighs-actuallly they cant do that anymore due to health and safety……..
Luckily I wasnt working last night I will have a look at the numerous callswhen I go in today. I didnt have anyone come to the house last night maybe the impalled head worked…….
Good - lots of sweets to eat
Bad - will get fat and feel sick
Presumably Ruralshire Constabulary also had 364 days to prepare for the glut of phone calls it knew it was going to get. Oh the irony.
Doh! cant spell today its impaled not ‘impalled’. Sorry I was eating sweets and typing with just one of my two chubby sausage typing fingers.
I was in the pub a few nights ago and a group of romanian kids in costumes decided to gatecrash for cash/sweets, aside from scaring the crap out of one of the guys who turned round to see a bleeding severed head on a stick (quite ingenious) as soon as the doorment ushered them out EVERY SINGLE person in our group automatically checked to make sure we still had our phones and warrant cards!!
Our parents live in a very sleepy village where the average age is about 80.
The village shop has a police notice on the door stating that eggs, flour and fireworks will not be sold to under 18 year olds until further notice!
Someone is obviously worried that teenage hooligans will be bussed into the area in organised gangs to flour bomb the old people who lets face it are asleep in front of the telly by 9pm.
Someone in head office that is.
I’m amazed that 70% of callers are repeats. I have phoned the police twice in my life (I’m 42) once on the local number to report some damage to my car and once on 999 to report a suspected burglary in progress.
Part of the problem I think is that a lot of people aren’t sure what is and isn’t “an emergency” - I was a bit hesitant about using 999 for the burgulary (which turned out to be some bloke who’d locked himself out breaking into his own flat). Maybe we should have the police version of NHS direct as a “slightly concerned but no rush” telephone number.
I refuse to believe that people cannot tell the difference between an emergency and a load of crap.
Dialling 999 at 0345hrs to say that Wayne had texted a threats text to Waynetta is not an emergency.
Nutter running about in street with samurai sword threatening to lop limbs off is.
I remember as a kid that people generally wouldn’t phone the Police for what they themselves deemed to be utter crap.
Today, the Waynes and Waynettas ring constantly.
I now get to the point of exasperation where I tell all concerned that if I hear about another text threats call, I’ll be seizing every mobile phone involved and submit them for analysis - which I tell them takes about 8 months of them without their mobiles.
It works !!
We too had a really enjoyable night last night that is until 11am young Herbert decides to snatch kind old ladies purse as she isabout to treat him on, her doorstep, and whilst wearing a scarey mask. It all went wrong as 1.he was in care - carers not allowed to leave care home and have to be double manned, 2.appropriate adult scheme closed at 10pm and 3.social services said ‘no’ its not an urgent case it will have to wait until tomorrow. Hmmmm long time then spent discussing options which were limited ,so released Herbert on bail into care of carers who, half an hour later reported him missing….too tired after an 18 hour day to care at this point so home to bed.
In urbanshire trick or treat is carried out by yobs who use this ‘tradition’ to excuse causing mayhem so the public have a right to call and we should turn up. It is the police who minimise things too much at times.
Throw two eggs at your windows before you go to bed and then see how hard it is to clean up the next day or push a firework through your letterbox because that is what this time of year means to a lot of people who live in cities.
You carrot crunchers lose the plot sometimes.
Most people are well aware of the difference between an emergency requiring a 999 call and a call that can be reported on the non-emergency number.
These are the people who rearely call us as they are capable of running there own lives, dealing with their own children, etc.
Unfortunately, the underclass are allowed to use the phone aswell. These are the repeat callers, the abusive callers, the drunk/drugged callers, that take up 70% of our time. On a 10hr shift taking emergency calls I will usually take only a few real emergencies, several calls form people who genuinely believe they have an emergency and loads from people woo just have no credit or can’t be bothered to look up the correct number.
I wish we had a button we could hit that would send the equivalent of a taser down the phone and charge them a tenner!!
Police vehicles in the USA have the non emergency number displayed on them. I think it was either 922 or 112. Nice and simple unlike our version, eg 0845 6546544 etc.
Most numpties out there could remember three digits surely?
When I call our local non-emergency number even I get frustrated by the inadequacy of our system. I refuse to short cut straight to the Control Room (unless it was a real emergency ofcourse), just to test the system as an MOP would. I usually give up.
Oi Gilbo! enough already - the stats at the end of the post are from the Met - that’s why I used them - to show what goes on in the (gulp) big city! As for eggs; here we lay ‘em not throw ‘em!
Gadget (parsnip cruncher)
Control room op - what a brilliant idea! I also think people should be charged for wasting ambulance time, but that’s getting slightly off topic.
Gilbo - I agree it depends where you live, even within the same town. Where I live now the kids are pretty harmless, but when I was a kid we had a firework put through our kitchen window - if people think the noise outside is loud, try letting one off indoors.
It’s a shame that a few kids ruin it for the rest and earn them all a bad reputation.
When we were kids we didn’t bother with rubbish masks - my mum did excellent make up jobs on us! It was a nice little earner too…
We had great fun.
As did the trick or treaters, the yobs, and the many gangs who did battle safe in the knowledge that tonight was the night when they a) wouldn’t get stopped for wearing full face masks, and b) would be able to fight, stab, bludgeon each other all night in the full knowledge that we’d be too busy to respond.
I know who didn’t have fun though - the many, many members of public who called for a police response for real crimes taking place and had to wait hours in some cases for us to turn up, as we were so busy with so much halloween and fireworks malarky.
Being sent to an “I” grade call that came out three and a half hours ago to a woman being attacked by her husband is just wrong. It’s not laziness on our part; very quickly we were down to one car for the whole division (despite the extra assistance of lots of rowdy patrol carriers at the beginning of the evening) as most ended up in with arrests or dealing with serious incidents. And of course one unit will get tucked up very quickly.
I love my job - but I hate being a council tax payer sometimes.
I stand by my comment but apologize for calling you a carrot cruncher. In my defence it has been a hard day dealing with gun toting gangsters,pimps and crack whores. You know what it’s like (maybe not). Just heard Sir Ronnie Flanagan wants to introduce civilian response assistants, so at least help is on the way.
All the best , Bud.
I promise not to call the police out next Halloween night provided a new law is passed that allows householders to use force up to and including lethal force (garden fork, scrotes for the impaling of) if any of the bastards (and they probably will be illegitimate) trespass on my property. Until that happens, you will just have to cope with the deluge of calls by helpless householders who dare not life a finger in the defence of themselves, their families, or their property, thanks to a generation of creeping and 10 years of rampant Cultural Marxism.
(To be fair, putting a padlock on our front gate did the trick this year.)
Oh dear, spot the typo. For ‘dare not life’ read ‘dare not lift’.
Some seasonal misbehaviour and MOP comments here:
Yobs threw fireworks at police
http://tinyurl.com/22avl7
Ooh, some of those comments are a bit harsh! I wouldn’t say the police were lazy at all… I bet Gadget stays up half the night writing these posts!
I thought trick or treat was a crappy tradition of the USA rather than here. Just another name for begging really.
Ba humbug.
I didn’t nick anyone last night either, thete were no eggs or flour thrown!!
I highly recommend spending Halloween on a scene watch, INSIDE someone’s house. Opening the door in uniform to see the expressions on the faces of unruly trick-or-treaters has made my year.
We drove round nicking sweeties of little ghosty people. all good natured fun.
Couple of years ago we had to withdraw tens of thousands of ‘no trick or treat posters’ because they had a picture of a witch on a broomstick on them. ONE member of staff made a complaint that it offended her Pagan religion, and the whole lot were destroyed.
Bloggsy. Hope none of them thought you actually lived there. Might be more trick than treat for the residents next year!
Personally, I can’t stand trick or treat. Crap yank custom whose arrival here coincided with the VCR and crap high school horrors. Just an excuse for shite to harass their elderly neighbours.
Ban it! In fact, ban everything!
70% are repeat callers ? Sounds like its run by the BBC.
The stats are a scary thought.
Pcsouthwest - I agree, it’s just another name for begging - and of course now that I am too old to dress up and beg for sweets or money, but get begged for sweets or money instead, I think it’s a disgraceful affair.
Our call handlers have been trained to grade every call involving ‘youths’ as a prompt response.
So, kids playing football in the street. Kids hanging round on street corner. Kids riding bicycles. Kids using skateboards in the skatepark - yes, really! All get graded as prompt and switched to overworked control operators who then have to find non-existant patrol officers to respond.
Call handlers know it’s crap. Radio operators know it ’s crap. The officers on the sreet know it’s crap. Yet the practice continues, every day. Why?……..
Trick or treat….surely an unwarranted demand with menaces? I’ll bring this up with the hand wringers at the morning shudders (they shudder done this, they shudder done that), and watch our blackmail detections go through the roof! Clouseau - who’s Imalsoclouseau? Someone being moulded in your image I hope!
stanstill…re the 101 number.
yep my force is part of this scheme….what a wate it is as well.
for example this is what often happens.
mop calls police on non emergency number re seeing some graffitti on a wall…..(this is in 101 remit) mop told by police operator that it falls in 101 remit so they are put forward to 101.
101 then take the call…create an incident and forward it to the police to send an officer out to check the graffitti!!!
yep that save loads of time and resources dosent it?
although our force do have a good system for 999 calls…if when put through its wayne/ waynetta complaining about text threats etc…we put them through to a recorded message that tells them its not an emergency and gives them the non emergency number…dosent always work the first time but normally by the 21st time they either give in or get the messgae
You know who I am Spitting Feathers-I had to change as Clouseau got there before me!!