Posted in Uncategorized on September 19, 2007 | 34 Comments »
Ahhhh. Cambridgeshire. “Stands the church clock at ten to three, is there honey still for tea?”.
Apparently not.
Ruralshire Cambridgeshire
This morning, over my breakfast cornflakes, I distinctly heard the moment when Julie Spence (Cambridgeshire Chief Constable) threw away her chance of a Damehood.
She started well by claiming that a massive increase in immigration had caused an increase in crime, [...]
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Posted in Uncategorized on September 16, 2007 | 31 Comments »
Ruralshire Constabulary have apologised to the public, after admitting that the weather is due to change this week.
Inspector Gadget, senior officer in charge of apologising to the public, released the following statement:
“I admit that an area of low pressure is moving towards Ruralshire from the Atlantic. We know from past experience that this may cause some wet [...]
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Posted in Uncategorized on September 15, 2007 | 14 Comments »
Sheep line up to withdraw their savings from Northern Rock in Ruraltown.
The queue is so long that it stretches all the way back to the fields.
The IPCC have been called in to investigate whether this is the fault of the police, based on the fact that everything else that goes wrong in Britain today seems [...]
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Posted in Uncategorized on September 13, 2007 | 23 Comments »
On F Division, Ruralshire Constabulary, I’m running the training session for Probationers this week. Sorry……. “facilitating a positive learning environment for Student Constables”.
I have just displayed the latest training poster on the parade room noticeboard.
This will allow new officers to identify any beasts or creatures involved in trampling incidents. You think I’m joking?
We lost a [...]
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Posted in Uncategorized on September 11, 2007 | 41 Comments »
Last night in Ruralshire, nobody was shot or stabbed by feral youths. In-fact, to be more accurate, this year in Ruralshire nobody has been shot or stabbed by feral youths. Or last year. Or any year.
A & E at Ruraltown is bereft of anarchy victims.
Unless you count Wayne, who was slashed on the buttocks with a [...]
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