Blood Red Shoes
September 23, 2007 by inspectorgadget
Monday morning.
The Senior Management Team will pad softly with their hands full of paper and mugs of filter coffee towards the meeting room on the third floor.
The air-conditioning or the heating will be on, depending upon the circumstances.
They will relax into their chairs, safe after the rigours of the trip to the lift from their car-parking spaces. They stop only to exchange knowing glances with the secretary and look at how we did over the weekend on the cover of the local paper.
Now they prepare to sit in judgement about events far away concerning people of whom they know nothing. There is more money in this room, more experience and more qualifications than have been deployed in the whole Division over the last 72 hours.
They will sit like some bizarre ‘X Factor’ panel as incident after incident is presented to them in fraudulent summary. They will jostle and preen. The Chief Superintendent will hand out salvation or damnation with a comment or a look. Careers are at stake.
I will sit in a prominent position as the duty uniformed front-line Inspector. I will be dressed in body armour and street gear in case something happens and I have to leave in a hurry. This mode of dress makes the others feel uncomfortably numb.
People keep their distance in case there is a risk to be taken or a decision made. One which may effect people’s lives. Physical proximity might be enough to suggest joint responsibility.
I used to suffer this in the knowledge that the SMT had also had their day on the front-line. But of-course they didn’t. Not like this. Not with only a hand-full of kids and some Acting Sergeants to keep the lid on a whole Division for the weekend.
The Orwellian phrases swirl around the room, Citizen Focus, Neighbourhood Partnerships, Today’s Policing Today, Problem Orientated Local Solution Based Initiatives. Phantom Battalions are moved around a non-existent battlefield.
It is too damn hot. I am bloody exhausted.
When I was a child, a lady across the road had a pair of blood red shoes. I used to sit on the wall and watch her work in her garden. As the sun rose and it became hot, I used to get thirsty. But I couldn’t leave. I had to watch. I couldn’t see what she was doing. Just the blood red shoes.
Monday morning here is just like that was.
Oh those monday mornings.
I of course love my set of 4 starting on Mondays. The reason being there is a curious lack of junk e mails to read when I log on at 07.00.
All the E Mails appear to be sent Mon-Fri.
Mind you i’ve got the next 3 shifts to endure, as from Tuesday onwards the junk piles up.
Funny that!!
PC Common Sense
http://sensiblepolicing.blogspot.com/
Morning prayers. Ha! They’re fun.
Stats, stats, stats, force policy complied with yea / nay, more tea, <>.
We’ve recently spent thousands on a video conferencing system so our governor can’t use the “we’re too short of cars to get to HQ” excuse any more, ha ha
Brilliant
Get the satire, and, hey, but brill. ‘Morning Prayers’ - Heh, I like that.
But it’s either that, or someone throwing up in your lap in a Primark doorway, and dying before the ambulance arrives. Pass me a suit someone.
‘I will be dressed in body armour and street gear’ ……. ‘This mode of dress makes the others feel uncomfortably numb.’
Add the blood red shoes to your attire and they may feel even more uncomfortable than do already, it would brighten a wet Monday morning
And of course parking is much easier before 9am and after 4pm…..
Hindsight Policing, does it get any better….
I have had to sit in those meetings before, very very unpleasant.
The supernintendo of course has all the crimes solved by himself, telling us who the likely suspects are. Not that he would know of course.
I like your phrase about Phantom battalions. Very apt.
I have often thought about the SMT being like the German leadership at the end of WW2, moving ‘phantom’ units about here there and everywhere trying to plug the gaps in the front line.
Bit like the SMT trying to ‘resource’ cops for jobs when there are about 8 cops for the whole division covering about 4 decent sized towns.
I have always wondered how we mere mortals manage to function when the SMT are not about or put another way there are 168 hrs in a week yet the SMT are only in for at most 40 hrs of that. Who needs who the most.
And when it is really s*** time, 20.00hrs onwards from Friday through the rest of the weekend they are not even in the station.
Morning prayers. Where the whole industry of second guessing, critical e-mails, figure fudging and backbiting begins.
Hard to believe that even with all that experience, no-one in the room understands that a decision taken in an instant at 3am may be very different to one taken at 9am over a couple of Hob nobs and a cup of tea.
Reading this, I’m grateful I’m only a MOP.
Please forgive me for going off-topic, but there was a lovely aside about the police in Friday’s Guardian. In an article on the big blue Olympic fence, an artist said she got arrested when about to take a photo of it, on suspicion of being a terrorist. She told the police who she was, they looked her up on Google and had a look at her work and believed her story.
So now, on top of everything else, the police have to be modern art critics/appreciators???
PS I have a pair of blood red shoes. I’ve found that in any meeting involving a number of women, the one wearing red shoes wins. Every time. As soon as she walks in.
This is only one reason that many people think that english police are political ly motivated and otherwise useless.
Shut up…read the story.
Citizen’s arrest is no longer valid, according to the stupid bastard twat idiots numpties who attended that particualr scene!
Michael
Recent topics on many blogs revolve around the strifes of 24/7 policing.There are alternatives to remaining a 24/7 martyr, mainly, resignation, put up and shut up or my particular solution. Read on. Accepted fact, 24/7 policing is damaging to physical and mental health and strains domestic relationships. It has a massive impact on life.It is populated by anxious types covering their a**** and being fooled by fake camaraderie. Basically it sucks.I speak from experience. Now my solution. Use the well equipped Policing Toolbox containing such useful implements as diversity, equal ops,health and safety,occupational health and flexible working.Latch onto a high profile “ism”. Get special office bound position, one which the over stretched and over stressed middle management striving for advancement will not challenge or utter any negatives about.Once you`ve got your little number you can never be prized out, particularly if you become an “expert” and have a network of supportive outsie partners.Remember the middle management need you and most flit throgh this stepping stone career boosting position.Then work your own hours,out of uniform,get all your a/leave and every weekend off. Never miss any family committments,see your kids grow up.Christmas shopping and other domestic chores become less time consumig.Make proper use of that gym membership. Imagine yor delight at having the sole use of a “Partnership Car”. and guess what? More money, its SPP`d!!!!Aways pretend you care. Believe me its easy.
The fact of young in service bobbies and like Sgts is a correct, All of the susposed talent long ago moved out of front line police repsonse, as to stay in it was a tacit admission that you were a numpty or lacked ambition , THIS is the real crisis in modern police in the UK , the full car park in the day and empty at night/weekend syndrome, when the opposite should be the case . especially liked the fraudulant summary bit.
Sir (a mode of address I usually use with the required amount of sarcasm - but not in this case),
Blimey, not only are you a rare thing (a good old fashioned Inspector) but a true literary talent! Of all the police blogs I have been reading recently, yours is one of the most insightful. I loved the analogy with the shoes.
There was a time that the brass decided to have morning prayers in our CID office, this was in order to build bridges between Uniform and the suits. It was hellish. I know what the perceived wisdom is regarding us Detectives but we ARE busy and phones DO ring a lot in the CID office. So for up to an hour each morning there would be scowls and frowns at any errant Detective who dared to make a phone call or, god forbid, answer one, thereby revealing that call forward had not been activated! Typing was a total no no as it was very distracting. We had to listen to the usual drivel that you describe above. It ended up with us all taking up smoking and going outside for a snout as soon as the faintest whiff of a guvnor came down the corridor!
More power to your elbow.
J.U.S
In the old days, before computers and emails, we had a thing called the ‘Night Report’. This was a summary of the more interesting or exciting things that had happened in the previous 24 hours. One of my jobs was to prepare the Night Report, print off numerous copies and distribute it around the station, making sure that each ACPO officer got theirs, on their desk by 8am.
One night tiredness got the better of me and I missed out a whole chunk (several hours worth) of incidents. I was sure a bollocking would follow but no, nothing.
So the next night I deliberately introduced errors - putting pages out of sequence or upside down etc. Again, not a whisper of complaint from anybody.
I reached the stage where I was including hand-written notes like ‘Congratulations for reading this far Sir’. and drawing cartoons or doodles on every other page.
This went on for weeks until I got bored with it. Not once did any ACPO rank ever notice, let alone complain about their defaced Night Report.
Draw your own conclusions.
ExTrafficbiker , it is still the way today .. called the OB - Occurance book.
Only now its emailed….. oh dear more emails.
I find white text on a white background a great way to vent my anger in email to idiots.
Areasearchednegative is spot on. The problem is the fact there is not enough numbers or experience on 24/7 policing. Despite the fact that for almost any incident where a member of the public phones the police it is the 24/7 cops that they see first. Mostly only the 24/7 cops that they see.
At one time there was an overtime budget. This both increased 24/7 manning levels at busy times and and provided some compensation for the unsocial shifts as 24/7 cops had plenty chances to earn overtime. With budget cuts and other changes this is largely a thing of the past where I work.
After over 20 years of respnse policing I decided to do get off the shifts after one especially ludicrous episode of un-necessary form filling and reporting to outside agencies I was ordered to do. The final straw so to speak.
It is a big mistake if the conditions for 24/7 officers are allowed to continue to deteriorate.
What’s my answer? Reduce paperwork. More cops on 24/7. Gives police officers back their powers of discretion. Finally back them up. If any police officers are dishonest or violent then I don’t want them in the same job as me. On the other hand even when demonstratably false complaints are made against police officers, a crime, action is rarely if ever taken aganst the person making the complaint.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/4720052.stm
Ted,
Just read the link, and to John SCOTT human rights lawyer or whatever he is I would say “It exists big man, its called the IPCC” .
Whilst working MFAO on relief I have been subject to the odd complaint…… it’s a trait i’ve noticed that busy Pc’s tend to aquire. A bloody lovely area car driver who took me under his wing told me on my first complaint “don’t worry son, it won’t be your last”… yeah thanks for that.. he was right… for some reason (lets call it for arguments sake 10 years of labour) there is a section of society that can not tolerate being told “No!!” So for those “customers” who choose to make another malicious complaint about me and mine I would say, for gods sake be original don’t use “use of force” in it when you have already twated a couple of officers and please think of something original when it comes to race…..(oh sh#t he said the R word) a white officer in a uniform is not automatically a racist! (you perpetuating a stereotype springs to mind). Get a grip people it’s simple…. do bad things to others and it all comes back to bite you on the ass eventually ….. oh and it will believe me…. you might not have got caught the first time or even the second but trust me you will…. and to the tit the other day who said i’m a copper ‘cos i was bullied at school, i say i bent you double and hurt your wrist cos you tried to take my head off and cos you smashed your fist repeatedly in your wifes face…. Sorry, who’s a bully.
The latest mantra from my CT is ‘Reduction’- but they still want detections and arrests.
Of course they are also worried about the high levels of ‘violent’ crime partly brought about by the higher levels of Public Order arrests. Arrests made of course er… by officers anxious to meet their arrest and detection targets.
Its almost amusing, if it wasn’t tragic, to listen to CT members twist and turn as they demand that these contradictory targgets are met.
Of course the officers could effectively reduce crime, targetting ‘hot-spots’ and prolific offenders, if they weren’t spending hour-upon-hour in custody dealing with (very) minor shoplifters and school playground arguemenns which chav parents want treated as major incidents.
Something strange is happening where I work. People who should know better are proposing the following structures
Four large uniform teams each with its own inspector. Each team with traffic, dog, arv. Big teams where at nights there is enough spare for a couple or three to go burglar stalking in plain clothes.
We are stuck with the P.C.S.O.’s. They are aligned geographically so stick them out on days and on foot to fly the flag
A CID office for each division that takes on reactive investigations.
Divisional O.S.U. teams
A pool of experienced detectives at HQ to deal with M.I.R. level stuff in divisions
With all due respect Gadget, what was your input? Do you merely moan and play the martyr or are you actually going to do something about it? Your writing is great to read, however are you a simple put up and shut up or do you challenge what we all loathe???
I will prepare to be shot down in flames for questioning you in such a disresectful way.
nightjack- is some one reinventing the wheel at your station. What you mention was how it was 15 years ago. Prior to ACPO being told by the Home Office that front line policing was costly and unproductive way of policing.
You really set the scene, there. It reminded me of the scene from Life on Mars, last episode, where poor Sam Tyler was sat in a similar grey and stifling office, clicking his pen on, off, on, off…
When someone asks him a totally banal question… he hasn’t been listening so he can’t answer..
That is when he jumps off the roof.
I hope you don’t feel as bad as that - bad enough to want to go to 1973, even.
Bewildered at Dawn
Do I challenge what we all loathe?? the most effective challenge is to post a Blog read by over 20,000 people a week, which has had wide coverage in the national press and allows all of us (including those who leave comments) to let off steam in the public arena where anyone can see it i.e. Police Inspector Blog. Being as this is the second largest police blog in the UK, I kind of think I’ve done my bit. I could ofcourse, say something at the meetings and get canned……… errrrrrr….. no contest!
CID at night? We used to have 2 detectives on night shift for every division in the County. They would turn up at all the decent jobs. If there was a burglary or a GBH they’d gladly take it.
Nowadays there is ONE CID officer, for the whole county, from 2100-0500. Lord knows where the rest of them are.
Boss, you need a copy of ‘Buzzword Bingo’ to keep you entertained during those cliche-riddled meetings. Get in touch if you want me to email you a copy.
Well the big scales thing its not policy just yet….just a whispering campaign. It is also how I remember things from when I joined.
Squaditis is leaving everyone too short handed to do much good. As Napoleon said “God is on the side of the big battalions.” (Except he probably said it in French). Ohh and Voltaire said that actually God is on the side of those who shoot best.
As for night cover detectives, where I come from its 6 per night for the county with a cover Det Insp.
Also the problem with bullsh*t bingo is that you always start laughing.
Fair ponit Gadget, good to see some passion…wasn’t being contentious just curious mate. Blimey 20,00? Fair play mate, fair play! Whay not say something though? They can’t can you for it? Just an opinion mate. Then again….maybe they could?
20,000! That’s not a blog it’s an industry; how many staff have you got?
I’ve never been privey to the joy that is ‘Morning Prayers’ and I sincerely hope that I never am having seen a few Guvnors walking out looking like they have a new one torn for them. We’ve got a couple of CI’s, one who does come out every now and then, is ex TSG and has no problem coming to parade and going out and about every now and then, and the other has been in post for a year, has been in staff jobs since getting his Sgt’s right after his probabtion and has never come out with us or even been on parade on a night duty to see how few people we put out. Have a guess from which one all the stick and threats come from??
Great - this is EXACTLY how it is in my force. I too love looking around the room, being the only one who goes “out”. Cant wait for the radio/mobile to go off to allow me to go to some firearm/murder/significant incident. Spot on.!
pro evolution soccer for psp
pro evolution soccer for psp