As you are by now aware, Ruralshire police are a County Constabulary. That means woods, rivers and fields. Lots of fields. And lots of fields means some crops but mainly livestock. We have already met Ruralshire’s sheep and Llamas.
As a new outbreak of foot and mouth disease begins to break out, my Superintendent is glad that two years ago, hoping for a jolly at the County training centre for a week, a certain Inspector volunteered for the “Civil Catastrophe Command” course.
“Enter our field – feel the hoof!”
I was that Inspector, and now the chickens (or should I say the cows) have come home to roost.
As the Duty Inspector at the Force Control Room literally wet himself with joy by ringing me at home and placing me on “standby” (whatever that means) for an outbreak in Ruralshire, I once again cursed myself for forgetting the golden rule I learned in the Army all those years ago.
Never volunteer for anything.
PS Does anyone know if CS spray works on the bovine community?
Well! One certainly has a case of “foot in mouth”…
But be careful what you put your foot in; disinfectant may not taste nice, but it could be a lot worse.
It could be worse. This moose has met someone who was doing mine and boobytrap clearance during WW2 in Italy, and made the mistake of volunteering[1]. He spent the rest of the war as a tail-gunner in a Lancaster bombing Germany.
Cadbury.
[1] “How would you like egg and bacon for breakfast, every day? Clean sheets? And no fatigues?
We’re looking for a few good men….”
Well done Guv. Can you link the recordings of the foot chases with infected cows to this blog when the worst comes to the worst..
More importantly can Lama’s catch foot and mouth ;o)
That’s it, the countryside is closed until further notice, again.
the golden rule i always quoted was, “if you can’t take a joke, you shouldn’t have joined”
anyway you can stand down now, looks like someone at the lab left a door open…… oops
Well thank God it’s lab orientated & not animal.
Never volunteer for anything, last time I did that I ended up with a blue smartie induced paddy with a hysterical toddler & a headache! Lol
No but ni’m reliably informed that Taser works on dogs boss.
Are you sure your not my Inspector? He seems to do all those type of courses too.
Inspector G, that is a very fine looking Landrover, does your force still fund the purchase such expensive kit, or is it a Photo Shop fantasy?
Around here they went through a period of purchasing less surefooted 4×4’s (but having said that they were probably less draughty, leaky and rattly than a Landrover, which is probably more important if you have to spend a 12 hour shift in one.)
Now they seem to just hire in 4×4’s when snow is ‘forecast’ this means they never have them when it does snow, or if they need to enter a field.
I’m not sure if the pepper spray we have now been issued with works on cows, but it does work on farmers, we tested it. I am told it also works on horses.
I now have a new 4×4 to play with, but am not allowed to take it off road.
Figure that one out………..
Listen, them cows can be dangerous. Can I interest you in a used ARMOURED landrover variant?
Its lovely, comes with a FREE magic tree air freshener!
http://belfastpeeler.blogspot.com/2007/07/from-here-view-ahead-is-rubbish.html
I have a bunch of calves in the field next to me, one of which has some sort of radio collar. I call that one ASBO. I’d be gutted if ASBO ended up for the chop.
Although I suppose they all do eventually anyway but you know what I mean.
Our force control room Inspectors do have a callsign but we refer to them as ‘Teflon One’
Landies are great, plant one into a tree and they just keep running!! I don’t think PAVA works on the bovine community though, but I DO KNOW that teriaki sauce works pretty damn good. just marinade a couple of chunks of cow over night, chuck them on the bbq and then chomp away in a couple of slabs of bread… hmmm good….
Mount buffalo horns on the front as a warning to the rest. genius.
Teflon one. Like it.
In stitches over the last two entries – well, stitches or despair, one of the two…
Great to see an inspector with some common dog. Keep up the good work Insp., fer reel…
Uphill – there are plenty of genuine L/R in the force, I used to have a pic of me sitting on the roof of one on the front page of this Blog. The courses that the simpering H & S taleban require for us to drive them off road? rocking horse sh*t.
When I look att the word I often think, how crazy can it get. hahaha. Somethings are terrible wrong. dont you think?
Greetings sofia
http://sofiawinterborn.wordpress.com/2007/08/06/sofiaa-homeless-mans-bed/
turbulence training
book training turbulence
Thats some good looking police gear