Sheep guarding is a wonderful use for llamas as it seems to be a natural instinct for them to guard smaller animals. Training is minimal and another advantage is that they graze along with the sheep, requiring no special feeding.
There is a Llama guarding sheep near my village on the Ruralshire borders.
Llamas seem to have a great dislike for dogs and foxes. Their problem is that they ’stereotype’ other animals.
Predators can see and smell a Llama from a great distance, and they will stay away from him. The fox understands the consequences of meeting the Llama.
Oh my…… I’m not going near that Llama, no Sir!
Has the Llama analysed the latest statistics for fox attacks on sheep? Has he considered how the fox may feel about being so blatantly labelled as a predator? I think not. And the fox; how can he make such a biased risk assessment, never having met this particular Llama before?
And what of the sheep? they may be safe but are they happy with the way the Llama provides this service? Just who is he accountable to? I feel the need to ask them.
Ruralshire’s notoriously fickle sheep are remarkably united in their complete love and respect for the Llama who guards them. Funny that.
Isn’t the animal kingdon weird and wonderful. If only we could draw some similaraties with humans!
That Diversity lady really got to you didn’t she?
Lighten up with this
Of all the Bloggs out there yours is without doubt the finest, you nail it every time. No doubt a small army of minions is constantly attempting to identify you!
I say long live this Blogg and the the Scarlet Pimpernel of the Police World.
Well done I laugh every time I read anything new!
Fine Welsh animal, the Llama.
Another insightful piece of prose. I do enjoy your writing, Insp.
Thanks for the kind comments above
Another good post boss. Top notch.
But…….. i noticed you pictured a mostly White, obviously hetrosexual Llama, surely you could have done the usual police propoganda stunt and organise one of the Llama’s from the minority groups within the Llama service to appear in the picture as well.
How do you know the Llama was heterosexual Seagull???? you can’t just make assumptions about sexuality just by looking at a picture!! Have you learned nothing?!?!
I think the Llama knows something because The Authorities have muzzled it. Free the Llama 1.
That’s not a muzzle I’m afraid HBP. It’s a headcollar so the llamas owners can (try to) control the llama more easily when walking it. Still maybe somewhere to go with that analogy though…
I think you need a spot of leave! Your current obsession with animals (especially sheep) is becoming a little worrying. Do you know the extension for occupational health?
rosethevet, that’s disgusting that the llama has a head collar so that the owner can control it. The Llama should be allowed to do what ever it wants so that it develops its own character with out any thought or consideration for its actions or consequences for those around it. Long live free expression unhindered by any rules. FREE THE LLAMA FROM ITS HEAD COLLAR.
Metcountymounty you’re right…what was i thinking…luckily i’ve got my reprogramming coming soon for the 3rd time in 6 years, i clearly need it more regularly.
My force are apparently sending non-english speaking applicants to college to learn the language and increase their chances of joining the Police Force.
It makes me feel all angry inside. As a white, married hetrosexual male the opportunities in my Force are somewhat restricted due to the “we encourage female and ethnic minority applicants to apply for this role blah blah” discrimination.
It is at these times i think we forget “treat others as you would wish to be treated”.
THERE WAS A YOUNG GAUCHO CALLED BRUNO
WHO SAID “THERE’S ONE THING THAT I DO KNOW,
A WOMAN IS FINE,A GIRL IS DIVINE
BUT A LLAMA IS NUMERO UNO”
Whilst the Lama may have a proclivity towards the protection of smaller animals, and may undertake a calling to act responsibly for those sheep often unable to protect themselves, I suspect there is a whole industry of “support” sevices behind the “actual” service that the Llama provides.
Whilst he guards the sheep, I should imagine his time is equally divided up for reporting on the amount of time the sheep have been protected. Any complaints the sheep may have. Sorting out any intersheep related disputes, correctly filling the paperwork for said arguments, the after submitting to the Llama Protection “support” services (LPSS) answering many of the unnecessary questions sent back to him, justifying the method of protection employed, quality assuring the service provided, and reporting on other Llamas, who may have carried out a similar service but to a lesser standard!
Transparency is the key word.
Thats before any fox related encounters for which the Llama will make a split second decision (see my blog) relating to his use of force towards the fox, and ultimately, after a period of investigation, be held accountable for his deployment of Llama brutality… which I believe is spit, and a nasty kick. And what if the Llamas unite to take down the fox? have you thought of that? I mean… how many Llamas does it take to stop a murdering fox?
Bloody Llamas, you can’t trust em, I hate them… they abuse their power , they must have been bullied when they were lambs!
Om my god…. this all sounds so familiar!
I read an article on the web a little while ago which mentioned that Senior Officers had cottoned on to the power of blogs, etc as I mentioned in my recent post. I will try and track it down – and will send you details when I find it!
Tonight, whilst searching, I found this site:
http://www.north-wales.police.uk/en/blogs/index.asp
Interesting?!
Gadget
Be careful you do not become existential; you appear to be drifting to a higher plane of consciousness. Or is sleep deprivation? I think you are approaching your Sgt Pepper’s moment.
tupc – that was funny!! my face hurt by the end of it!!!
Do the Llama’s follow force policy and flood the locality for the inevitable area search after a successful attack by a fox?
Are there sufficient numbers of Llamas to go on proactive patrols, targeting the foxes home grounds?
Or have cutbacks and neighbourhood policing reduced the number of Llamas to a purely deterrent effect only?
What is the minimum staffing level for Llamas? Is there allowance for abstractions, leave and Llamas to go sick?
One Llama per flock of sheep seems to have little flexibility.
I wonder
Blue Pimpernell. . .It’s true there is only one Llama per flock, but a new programme will shortly be instigated whereby each flock will have an SFT allocated to it. This will consist of a Flock herd manager and four flock support Llamas, to provide a visible presence without the expense of actually having a response Llama around all the time. Obviously the flock herd manager will be abstracted from the response Llama team, leaving it shortstaffed and alllowoing the FLM to say “not my remit” .When a fox is prowling, he’ll deply his flock support Llamas for flock reassurance (obviously 8AM-10PM only with reposnse Llamas having to cover the balance), and only call the response Llamas when it’s out hours or they’re faced with a fox who knows the support Llama’s powers and proceeds with his nefarious plans notwithstanding that “presence” Long live Safer Flock Teams!
Or is the just Alpaca shit?!?
I think we should concentrate on understanding and addressing the reasons for the foxes offending behaviour.
It is obviously just the product of a disadvantaged background and needs education, understanding sympathy rather than just punishment which perpetuates the fox/sheep vicious circle.
I think the cost of these llamas is becoming prohibative – their salaries are too high and the cost of the traditional llama pension will burden the poor sheep for years. I suggest that a more visible presence in the field be provided; perhaps a “llama-lite” creature such as an Andean Mountain Goat – that can patrol (in twos) and report any fox reated anti-social behaviour to a response llama that patrols several farms. The goats would require much less training etc. and the foxes wouldn’t know the difference …. would they?
Why isn’t’ the Llamea wearing its Hi-Vi jacket. If it continues to fail to comply with the force directive on wearing the correct uniform I will have to contact professional standards department via the confidential reporting line.
Also I perceive that the Llama is foxophobic so as such the Llama needs to attend retraining with immediate effect.
I have a suggestion based on this posting, why don’t we persuade the government to positively discriminate and employ a vast number of Llamas, imagine how reassured the public would feel at the sight of a Llama in a high vis jacket.
Ok, I know the Llama stereotypes, and that isn’t what the Police service (aka. Social Services) is supposed to be about, after all just because someone burgles the house of some 74 year old women, in the process they batter the poor old dear, it doesn’t mean they will do it again? Does it?
However, the employment of Llamas would hit ticks in a multitude of areas for the government, they’re cheap (they eat grass for tarims sake), they’re most definitely a minority within the service, sheep will be safe everywhere. So it’s a win, win situation for the new PM.
I am for once going to ignore the overt, covert and tangential references in this post and go with a more base emotion – sheer joy at finding the llama song again thanks to Noddy!
I lost the link for it ages ago and have just spent more time than is seemly for an allegedly sane adult giggling at it again. I have no idea why the song just cracks me up!
Lucy
( yes, I know less caffeine and cadburys and more sleep should see me right)
Pierless plod
One of the mountain goats in our field has recently decided to undergo expensive gene therapy and become a llama. He was worried at first that this would have an adverse impact on his take-home clover and grain supply, but he has worked out that despite the loss of shift allowance and the added expense of biros, he should just about break even. Obviously I was releved to hear this, and even more delighted when I heard our farmer has decided to buy a load more mountain goats to replace him. Sadly, this has not stopped the general llama exodus towards more stable-based activities, and I am informed that there is a temporary hold on buying more llamas.
So if any foxes try anything funny like cycling on the pavement or littering near our field, they are in for a nasty surprise at our place.
That’ll learn them…
If you dress the Llama in a Hi Vis jacket, the sheep will be much more reassured……
Clearly these foxes mean business judging from the black eye the Llama’s got. I note it has no protective clothing in light of the threat it faces. As its lying down, I take it its been hurt on duty? When will the Llama Federation raise its voice and start bleeting about the working conditions of its members? They’re being treated like animals!
and I bet the sheep didn’t wade in to help the Llama out!
The alternative of course, chaps and chapesses, to an effective Llama based patrol strategy, is that the sheep will take things into their own hands, ahem hooves, and some of them will gang up and randomly kick to death anything vaguely fox-shaped. They will not be able to actually deal with the foxes themselves, as the real foxes will not get caught, and the few remaining Llamas will be forced to detain the occasional sheep for fox-related vigilantism. The stronger sheep will be removed by a legally accelerated form of Darwinism, giving further opportunities to the foxes, thus occasioning a vicious circle of fox-sheep violence that will end in a blood soaked orgy of wool and fur. We cannot fail. We must not fail. Risk assessments all round…
The natural progression of all this is to create an extended Llama family, so that the sheep, with a small amount of training can assist in the service provided. They could be called Llama Support Officers.
They could be paid hansomely in grass for doing little more than act as the eyes and ears of the Llamas, and call upon them when their presence is needed when the foxes work out they are not real Llamas, have no effective training or powers and begin to openly mock them. prior to tearing out their throats and eating them, obviously.
Then the Llama can tell the powers that be…. see I told you so… your Llamaring on the cheap!
IG
Sorry about this…. I kind of hijacked your post with my glipness, but it seems to have caught the imagination. I hope you don’t hold it against me.
TUPC
Problem with Llamas is that they’re expensive to feed and once they’ve got too old to run after foxes they still have to be looked after and that costs a fortune.
I suggest we bring in the Alpaca. It looks so much like a Llama that you really can’t tell from a distance and it because it’s so much cheaper to feed you can have lots more to wander around and chat to the sheep and ask where the foxes have been lately. The daft old sheep’ll love that, feeling all snug and secure. As long as they don’t realise that the Alpaca can’t actually chase after foxes itself and if it stumbles across one it can only hold onto it until a Llama is free.
Talk about fleeceing the public!
I get it now so what is being proposed it that sheep are allowed to take over minor work and preventative areas of the Llamas work. Then and cover of darkness without the fox being aware the sheep will take over the role of the Llama without the need for consultation with the Llama’s representative body. Then the head(less) head sheep will declare to the fox community look what we have done reinvented the Llama on the cheap without the cost incurred of training them to the standard previously achieved by the Llama at Llama training school.
Just beware of the fox in sheeps clothing!
Actually, hasn’t *that* fox got ginger eyebrows?
Gadget: you need a new sheep photo. There can’t be any grass left round that tree. Besides, the Llama cannot have done a thorough risk assessment based on the probability of lightning striking said tree.
There has also been a significant shortfall in the planning of this Llama protection. The Llama has not been issued with a high visibility jacket. I would feel the sheep feel considerably less protected and substantially less reassured as a direct result of this oversight.
There also is a lack of a Llama Sheep Community Support Llama. It doesn’t cost as much as Llama but looks like a Llama, but can’t actually perform any functions of the Llama except engage the sheep in conversation.
Lucy, you’ve definitely been working too hard! I tried listening to the Llama song in broad daylight (and after a week without chocolate), and I couldn’t take it for more than a few seconds. The world isn’t meant to sound like that, really.
Has anyone consulted the rabbits? They need protection from the foxes too. This community has been ignored by the Llamas. The Llamas are clearly ‘institutionally bunnyist’.
What about the rats which steal the sheeps food? The Llamas clearly have a need for a rat liason Llama.
I think the Llama should use a similar approach to the fox that this guy uses to drunken idiots
[...] a cruel, cruel summer. Thanks for keeping me entertained with the Llama [...]
[...] 2. The Comments on the Llama post. [...]
That bloody song has been stuck in my head since I saw it. No one else at work gets it. What’s wrong with people!?
Isuffered a stroke 3 yrs, ago an i havent fully recovered, please excuse any miTakes . THE i.c.c. ARE COMPLAINING THAT THE ASS,COM. MISLEAD THE PUBLIC.. SINCE THE INCIDENT WAS TOTALLY AN OPERATIONAL MATTER, THE ass com didnt have to tell the public any thing and I bet he wishes now he hadn’t!
the chairman of the GaRda[Rep. .of Irl ] criticised the Garda COMM for no taking no action against his officers for minor breaches of the discipline code. the day after tis publications he [comm] was quickly on the ball to publicly reject his critism I wish our CH.officers were. n’t so P.R. The days of being the silent service ar over annd chief should speak their minds truthfully and explin what a total waste of money yhe PSO’s are[[£20000 pa, no supervisors. Do AS YOU LIKE BRIGADE– 5 YR. CONTRACT.!!
[...] 5th, 2007 Read this blog and the comments. I read it and laughed. I think you will too! Thanks Inspector Gadget. As usual, [...]
Well, Guv (should it be guv? I’m only related to the Police by marriage), I really enjoyed your insight into the world of middle-management llamas. I am just a touch worried though that by using the word llama, I might be breaking the Dark Satanic Mill’s dignity at work policy. I’ve asked my readers to read this wonderful piece of writing by the way. It made me laugh and it would be nice to bring some sunshine into the lives of the people who read my blog.
Time to revisit this topic!