The War Against Sleep « POLICE INSPECTOR BLOG

The War Against Sleep

July 6, 2007 by inspectorgadget

We will win the war against sleep.

Our chief weapons will be coffee, doughnuts, van culture and overtime payments.

Well done Susan Hemming, head of the CPS Counter Terrorism Division. She has decided that there is enough evidence to charge 27 year old Iraqi Doctor, Bilal Abdullah.

This must have presented a tough challenge for our friends in the CPS, being as he was shown on camera being dragged from the blazing vehicle, just after it had blown up, shouting fundamentalist religous slogans and trying to further attack the police.

Were they not in the glare of publicity from international media organisations (and I include our Blog in that definition) the usual CPS tactic would be to plea-bargain it all down to an Aggravated TWOC with some Criminal Damage thrown in.

Meantime; you will be reassured to know that we are living for twelve hours a day/ night from of our van (shown above) ready to deploy at a minutes notice.

We will then try to protect you from al Q’s finest with a tin of pepper and an 18 inch aluminium stick. You will be pleased to know that we now have fire extinguishers.

Ruralshire sheep are still not convinced that we are a target.

They know what al-Q do not. They know that the chances of getting a vehicle bourne explosive device down our country lanes at this time of year is nigh on impossible. Especially during the school run.

Here in the shires we are guarded by battalions of the tiny, well manicured and immaculately dressed wives of the rich. They drive huge Armoured Fighting Vehicles at break-neck speed, loaded with Labradors and straw boatered children from village school to oasthouse and back again.

The sheep are wiser than they look. And we are left to count them as the war against sleep continues.

Posted in Uncategorized | 30 Comments

30 Responses to “The War Against Sleep”

on July 7, 2007 at 1:04 am1 Mary

I can recommend double coffees with redbull chasers as a way to get through nights. Trouble is it makes you pee a lot, might not be convenient in that van…
on July 7, 2007 at 1:14 am2 areasearchnegative

Those sheep look quite “ard”
on July 7, 2007 at 7:21 am3 Metcountymounty

One hours kip on the train to work beats 8 in bed anyday!!! At least thats what I tell myself after the end of a set of shifts and I just want to curl up and die
on July 7, 2007 at 9:58 am4 nightjack

Heresy heresy! Just knuckle down and do what we’re told to IG or our whole way of life is doomed, doomed I tell you. Family life doomed as a consequence but hey we all got to make sacrifices for the cause.

I find locking up gobby drunks and sneaking down the back alleys to ambush burglars kept me awake back in the day. These days nights are a once a year treat. I miss my nights. Nights are where the fun is and the management isn’t. Hmmm correlation?
on July 7, 2007 at 10:07 am5 John

“the usual CPS tactic would be to plea-bargain it all down to an Aggravated TWOC with some Criminal Damage thrown in.”
Or smoking in a public area.
on July 7, 2007 at 10:26 am6 Minty

I’ll bet my shoe collection that the CPS have got some poor sod running round “Just dealing with a few minor points”.
MCM- if you could just kip on the train wearing a touch of the old hi viz, you could still be a reassurence patrol”!
on July 7, 2007 at 11:06 am7 Metcountymounty

I could, but then there would be a 45 mintue video on youtube of me catching flies and sounding like a lawnmower eating an elephant - much to the amusing annoyance of everyone else I might add!!!
on July 7, 2007 at 1:03 pm8 Bob

CPS, make a decision now that is a new concept. Mind you they only charge when the case is so water tight that there is no justification in NFA.
on July 7, 2007 at 2:43 pm9 caravanparkmanager

I tried Red Bull for the first time on Wednesday. I had been driving (back from holiday) for 8 hours and had one hour to go to get home but I was feeling tired, so pulled in to the services.

Coffee was my first thought, but I tried a Red Bull instead…. amazing!

I drove fine for the last hour, got home, sat in front of the TV and stayed awake!!!! Normally the TV sends me to sleep within 20 minutes (or 5 minutes of Big Brother), so I can highly recommend Rad Bull. I just don’t know what would happen if I drank 2……
on July 7, 2007 at 3:43 pm10 PT COP

The Met counter terrorism command might do well to mobilise the School Run mummy, especially in London where I would imagine the penetration of these vehicles would not only be greater, but manned with a substatial number of QC’s & barristers wives.

What a formidable army, Dog/Traffic vehicle combined with legal advice at the end of the phone! The cost of this? Just immunity from prosecution for the odd parking infringement, which is at the heart of the startegy.

Just open some day care, a few primary schools around sensitive targets and there would be no need for bollards / barriers etc. Genius!
on July 7, 2007 at 5:17 pm11 Stinky

Red bull and fizzy cola bottles. Better than any shit you can shove up your nose.

Last night was mad. 150 drunk idiots all squaring up to fight and 3 Police officers to ‘robustly’ Police the situation. Yet again we survived by the skin of our teeth.

We currently have a double crewed vehicle specifically assigned to seeking out terrorists by driving around all night ignoring jobs. Awesome.
on July 7, 2007 at 6:31 pm12 JJ

Take a look at this for reassurance patrols….

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vr3x_RRJdd4&NR=1

It’s a nice idea and it might just work . . .
on July 7, 2007 at 6:39 pm13 GirlNextDoor

Guv, you need galaxy & red bull in with that lot, or lucozade but that makes me too hypo! Pret espresso shots are brilliant, I wouldn’t recommend too many though I had 3 double ones once & had the shakes & the giggles for the rest of the day… Lol
on July 7, 2007 at 8:10 pm14 The-Seagull

Ah, van culture, as someone with a lot of experience of this, you cant beat it to keep the spirits up.

Good to hear from a boss who still seems to have no problems with its existence

Now if you’ll excuse me I’m off to get my tinfoil hat before the thought police pick me up on their anti van culture radar.
on July 7, 2007 at 8:23 pm15 kingmagic

Surely the picture of that Al Q geezer with the jeep showed him in possession of not one but two dangerous “fire” arms! And “fire” legs!
on July 7, 2007 at 11:37 pm16 mrmanswife

War against sleep? Try living next door to my neighbours from ~~hell~~ Chavie Scroat City. It’s enough to make you hate the very existence of humankind and have you “Q”ing up to join Al Q (lets be honest, we’re only shortening it because we can’t remember how to spell it).
on July 7, 2007 at 11:59 pm17 Top Posts « WordPress.com

[...] The War Against Sleep We will win the war against sleep. Our chief weapons will be coffee, donuts, van culture and overtime […] [...]
on July 8, 2007 at 10:23 am18 Amicus

They are doughnuts in this country……….
on July 8, 2007 at 7:11 pm19 Metcountymounty

not if you buy ‘Krispy Kremes’, it says it right there on the side of the pack - DONUT
And they’re lovely too
on July 8, 2007 at 9:49 pm20 Area Trace No Search

JJ - where did you come across that video…?
on July 9, 2007 at 11:11 am21 metplod

I have never slept better in my life than when stretched across several carrier seats, earning double time. The sleep of the just……..
on July 9, 2007 at 2:31 pm22 Grannys.Myth.Peeler

boss,

glad to see you have a diverse selection of buscuits on display. a plate full of digestives might have raised an eyebrow or one.

however the sheep all look pretty similar. that picture would never get on the cover of any of our publications (well not the legal ones anyway grrr!)

up the workers

http://uptheworkers.blogspot.com
on July 9, 2007 at 4:44 pm23 ExTrafficBiker

I’ve struggled with nights for 21 years. They were bad enough when I was a fit young man. Now, as I approach the ripe old age of 50, they’re virtually impossible.

As I was on my way in at 5.30 pm the other day, I met a colleague who I joined with. He’s now a DS in the Child Protection Squad (who work Monday to Friday 8-4). He said “What’s an old git with your length of servie still doing nights for?”

I had no answer.

Still, only 36 more pay packets to go and I’m done!
on July 9, 2007 at 7:27 pm24 Bob

Hi-Vi jackets are only compulsory as they are an a*** covering exercise by the management. If we are trimmed out wearing one the management can say ‘not my/our problem he/she was wearing their Hi-Vi jacket at the time’. You only have to remember to recent comment made by a senior officer at the press conference for Pc Jon Henry. It went something like ‘ he was wearing his issue stab vest at the time’. The management don’t give a f*** about us, only covering their own backs and making sure that there is nothing on their record effecting their next promotion
on July 9, 2007 at 7:29 pm25 Bob

Sorry, wrong subject meant to post it on the Plastic fantastic.
on July 9, 2007 at 10:10 pm26 JOCKtheCOP

We’ve been rumbled boys!!!!!!!!

http://img402.imageshack.us/img402/6568/copsfb8.jpg
on July 10, 2007 at 10:57 am27 Nick

JOCK, love it! Great find mate.

Regards
Nick
http://nickhough.blogspot.com
on July 11, 2007 at 10:03 pm28 PC Bitseach

Jock - nice one!

Insp G - if you get a minute to yourself, look up the song “90 pound suburban housewife (driving in her SUV)” on iTunes - it’s a larf.
on July 17, 2007 at 9:07 pm29 SJamieson

Re Terrorists at Glasgow-surely this is not a matter for the CPS but the Crown Office in Edinburgh instructing to Procurator Fiscal (PF) in Renfrewshire or has Scottish Law no anti-terrorist legislation. Surely Glasgow is not within the CPS’ jurisdiction
on August 13, 2008 at 3:37 pm30 Brandon

If anyone is interested in really winning a War Against Sleep, you should check out the band. http://www.delllounge.com/music/sandj/contest/band/?id=da473fec-ca6a-4ffc-a20f-159072961172
Voting for us to play ACL would help everyone win the War Against Sleep.
Copy and paste that url and vote each day if you can.

That is the only way we will win. Spread the word.